Managing Sibling Rivalry: What You Can Do as Parents
Sibling rivalry: it’s an inevitable part of child-rearing. You probably are rolling your eyes as you read this since you, too, grew up with it in your household. However, now as the parent, you don’t want that kind of conflict and hostility to exist in your home; you want your children to get along, and rightfully so.
Sibling rivalry can cause more than just some raucous fights and arguing upstairs. Studies have shown that siblings existing in a high-conflict sibling pairing experienced the lowest levels of development and adjustment during middle childhood when compared to those in a harmonious pairing. Sibling conflict was also directly linked to anxiety and depression, academic competence, and global self-worth. Siblings with some element of “sibling warmth,” known as positive feelings, acceptance, and support of one another, had higher levels of social competence by the end of the study.
Unfortunately, sibling rivalry is perfectly natural and normal. There are even benefits to a certain degree, as well as an important experience as children engaging in fights and learning how to arrive at a conclusion that is fair and balanced. But, if you feel like the sibling rivalry is above average in your household, here are a few ways as a parent you can try and mediate the situation:
Be Fair, Don’t Play Favorites:
No parents play favorites on purpose. Sometimes, one child is far more similar to one parent, while the other aligns with the other parent. As a parent, you need to show the same affection, support, and love to each child, no matter what. Even if their interests are totally foreign to you, it’s important to be fair at all times.
Don’t Be Afraid to Parent:
If you feel like the fighting is out of hand, it’s your job as the parent to step in. Sometimes, letting it go on and not intervening can set a poor precedent in the household. Designate spaces for your kids to sit in/enjoy separate from their sibling when they need a cooling off period.
Align with Your Older Child:
Your oldest child can be a great ally in the household. They can share their toys, look out for their younger sibling, and take pride in it. It gives them a valuable role that they will actually accept happily. Wink at them, nod, and make them feel like a “big kid.” They will be more than happy to adopt the role as big sibling.
Never Compare Your Children:
Maybe one of your children is a genius, and the other a baseball prodigy. Never, ever compare the two of them directly. If one isn’t as smart as the other, never create scenarios in which you make that known. It’s the easiest way to start rivalry.