When you are in the house with chronically anxious children, no matter your intentions or background education, every parent can fall into a negative cycle of coddling their children so their anxious pain doesn’t develop further. Accidentally, parents can exacerbate their child’s fears, in the very act of trying to protect them from the anxiety.
If you want to be as supportive as possible for your kids through their childhood anxiety, here are some pointers:
- Focus On a Management Perspective: No, you can’t wave a magic wand and make the anxiety evaporate. None of us want to see children unhappy, which is why the best way to overcome that anxiety is to try and remove the triggers in the first place. Maybe it’s turning the news off, or maybe it’s managing your own anxiety that is impacting your children nearby. Treat the cause of anxiety, not the effects.
- Keep a Normal Schedule: Just because your child is anxious should not mean that you avoid certain activities to protect them. It will reinforce their anxiety in the long run and tell them it’s ok “they are scared” of that certain activity. Yes, your child will cry at first, and yes, it might be hard, but after awhile, your child will develop coping mechanisms that helps him/her get through it.
Be Positive and Realistic: You need to constantly tell your child they are going to be ok as they stand up to their fears. Be positive in your communication and tell them that over-time, they are going to conquer whatever exists in front of them. This will give them confidence that your expectations are realistic. Be sure to let them go at their own pace.
- Don’t Empower the Fears: It’s important that you both respect your child and what they are saying, yet you don’t empower what they are saying. If your child has a fear of the doctor, don’t belittle them for it. Be empathetic, but also convincing in why they still need to go to the doctor. “I understand why you are scared. I am here for you as we conquer this together.”
Don’t Bring Up the A Word: Don’t make anxiety a topic of discussion when it doesn’t need to be. Don’t say “Are you anxious about a big test?” Instead, just say, “Are you excited for the science fair?” Don’t provide your child with leading questions that will get them back into an anxious state.
Don’t Reinforce the Fears: Never say, “You should be afraid of that” or “I’m scared of that, too.” You want to be a positive, strong person for them to look up to. Show them how brave you are and how they can be brave, too.
Reduce the Anticipatory Period: Anxiety is at its worst in those days leading up to the event. Try and minimize this anticipation period by giving the child a day or two warning instead of a week. Don’t ask them two-hours before the doctor’s appointment how they are feeling. Simply check-in with them as you walk through the doors to the office.
Many children are experiencing coronavirus anxiety as the pandemic shakes our country today. By following these tips, you can not only help your anxious children, but you can also provide a foundation from which they can minimize their anxiety in the future.
David Schatzkamer, LMHC, RPT-S