5 Ways to Help Children Process Grief
Processing the passing of a loved one, especially a parent, at a young age can seem impossible. For teens and adults, grasping the concept of losing someone so integral to your life can be overwhelming for the brain, much less a rational idea. Therefore, for children, this concept is that much more confusing and consuming, which is why as the remaining parent or person in a caretaker role, it is so important to assist your son/daughter or child in the processing of that grief.
If you are too overwhelmed to discuss the facts of death with your child, it’s ok to pass the role onto someone else who can. Regardless, it’s important to treat your child as your equal and help them grasp the reality of the passing of parent. Here are 5 ways to make it happen.
Fundamental Facts of Death:
This might sound harsh, but children need you to be honest to them. When it comes to death, you need to help your children understand four things: death is irreversible, everything that is alive eventually dies, there are physical reasons someone dies, and that all of their life functions have ceased occurring as a result of their passing. This might seem like common sense, but children need to hear it.
Speak Kind, But Frankly:
As adults, we try to tip-toe around touchy subjects. This can be confusing to children. Be sure to use the words “dead” and “died” as opposed to “moved on” and “passed.” Speak in short sentences and use small words to be direct about your messaging. Do it all kindly and sincerely, regardless of the hurt or anger you might be feeling on your own.
Check In with Your Kids:
The only way to understand how your kids are processing grief is to check in with them. Ask them about how they are feeling or what new questions they might have every single day. You want them to know it’s ok to talk about grief, no matter how hard it might be. The worst thing you could do is communicate to them that it is an unacceptable topic moving forward.
Show Them Your Vulnerability:
Although we don’t naturally want to cry in front of our children, they still follow our lead as example. Show your vulnerability through grief and let them know you are incredibly sad and upset, too. It will make them feel closer to you and not so alone in their difficult journey.
Pause If Necessary:
Every child is different, so it’s hard to predict which topics will upset yours the most. But, read your audience, and if you see a certain topic or memory is upsetting your child beyond belief, pause, and move onto a new topic. Note their triggers and try and create a comforting environment for them to the best of your ability.
Unfortunately, grief is part of life, and that includes kids, too. We know as the remaining parent or caretaker, you are enduring your own set of battles and depression, which is why here at the Center 4 Play Therapy, we are ready to support you with relief in the form of fun, play, and help so your kids can see a brighter future.